Yes, it's the sodden truth that I have returned to my Mothers aid, and have now shifted my things and inevitably myself, back home after months of trouble, but I would say general happiness.
It's more queit here, the only thing I detest is that when I listen to the arguing that goes on, I know it's my own broken family doing the bickering, not someone else's. Maybe that makes me selfish, maybe that makes me human.

But aside from family business and life in general, it's all pretty good, pretty cope-worthy, pretty stable, alotta pretties, a whole lot of uglies. You can't decide much of what goes on, particulary not the future which is the main part of our lives, because everything was once the future, the past was the future to a past soul dreaming of near ambitions.

Life is good, life is calm, life is life and will remain that day until life becomes death, yes folks that is the inevitible.

I had a good hard think the other day while taking a drag and listening to some Waits.
I had a good old thinker about the business of religion and money, fear and death.
Why is it all connected to one another? I'm sure if you ask every christian or religious man you know, if you ask him wether or not he was afraid before he found the lord, most likely he'll tell you yes, he'll tell you why, and then he'll go on to tell you about the way his life turned right around, almost like a courisel, you jump into life experience it some, but when you come off you're a different soul, the way you look at life, your life, other lives, any lives, you can't see it the same way because that courisel was so overwhelming, and even though a slight fear nudged you from time to time, you learned to ignore it, you learned to pat it on the shoulder then push it away with a mighty, stubborn hand.

So that gave me a sudden epiphany (I dislike that word immensely) that somehow fear and religion are connected.
We're scared, no we're actually terrified of life itself, maybe because the world is many times larger, famous, important than ourselves, maybe because we depend on so much like money and materials, maybe that's why we're afraid, or maybe we're just afraid because fear is what drives us to survive, it's an instinct. Without fear we'd all be jumping off the tops a buildings, drowing in the deepest part of the ocean.
We create religion from fear, from stress, from desperation, because when life gets too much to bare, we want an instant cure. We want good luck, money, support, friends, family that give more than a shit, we want so much to be different because of what fear creates.

No I'm not preaching, well maybe I am, but I aint telling you to believe nothing, I'm telling you what I believe, I'm telling you that I believe God is an imaginary friend that makes us feel comforted when life bites us, because life can bite us harder than anything.

I'm never having kids, I don't want 'em, not because of the work that's involved, but because I don't want to bring children that don't already exist, I don't want them to be dragged through the same dirt that millions of people have been dragged through, I want them to be able to sit down and watch a movie without thinking about all the damn things they've yet to do, I want them to be happy without the need of money, money is no equivelint to life, it's just a thing made by us, that controls us.

It's worse than robots people, if we build robots and they turn on us, we'll be screwed sure, but it wont take as long to screw us over as money has, because we're still ignorant that it's screwing us over.